Ryeland: thanks for the compliments! Your comments are a good lead in to.....
I have doubts. Yes it seems strange but I find myself staring in the mirror or looking at the olympic bar (no mirror in my weights area, that was figurative) and wondering why I do this to myself.
Everyday I see people that are perfectly happy with their shape, their strength, their complete lack of arms, and how little effort they put into being that way. To the cool calm exterior I am the same, but like the metaphor of the duck, my legs are working overtime under the surface. Just to keep my body from looking like an anemic 16yr olds I now have to lift heavy. Sure some people may lift heavier, but I've seen others achieve results with lighter stuff.
So I find myself thinking; do I really need to be putting this much weight on the bar. Does it really have to take this much effort to keep my thighs? Do I really have to tie half my bodyweight around my waist to make dips and chins hard? Wouldn't it be great if I could just train a bit lighter so that I keep my muscle, still had good strength, and didn't put so much strain on my body.
Don't get me wrong, I like being ahead of the norm, I like being able to do reps with what most people would like as a max. But do I really want to compress my spine all the time with more than double my bodyweight on stuff like deadlifts and squats? Even with my "for reps" weights my squats are around/over 1.5xBW. Doing this all the time can't be good.
Sometimes I have these doubts. Sometimes I think about what it would be like to be a lazy, stupid, fat, ordinary person. Maybe its a curse that I'm not lazy, I'm just prone to procrastinate, I'm not stupid, but the news makes me wish I was just so I wouldn't be so frustrated, and I'm not fat. So thank God I'm not ordinary. I've got to go test my manliness at the power rack.